So, I seem to have preempted Swinebread's comments about the guards in panel two (they are walking in different directions). Almost as soon as I'd finished this, I was unhappy with it. I rushed it at every point; pencil, ink, color. The only thing that worked well, was the layout (and this worked because I'd taking time to work the layout).
So, I've started again. Taking my time, shooting digital photo references and generally treating this whole page as a lesson. And, I stared with the escort:
They still look a bit like they're walking in different directions, but it still works better overall. I was trying to avoid them pointing in the exact same direction and becoming static.
As far as the style is concerned, I'm going to try the clearline style with color and local color shading e rather than the classic comic book ink shading. Let's see how it works. I'll probably hate it tomorrow and re-do it AGAIN. I'll post the entire page in a day or so, but I really needed to do this right away for my own peace of mind.
Storywise, I'm actually going to try to collaborate with a (nearly published) writer friend. This may not be up her alley, but she's willing to try. I need her because, while I've got the overall story and setup, I've gotten stuck in a character motivation towards the climax.
Listening to while posting: "Sunny" by Jason "Lefty" Williams (Lefty is a one-handed guitar player. He's only got one hand! He's also a really nice guy, too