Wednesday, June 30, 2010

sort of relevant post

While driving back from the in-laws tonight, something came up that reminded me of an anecdote that I recalled to Sweet Enemy. It doesn't take much for me to decide to tell an anecdote.

While in Kodiak, a friend and I were watching the awful Grace Jones vampire flick "Vamp" on VHS. This was the movie about a coven/clutch/herd of female vampires. We're about halfway through when my friend's roommate came in. Laconic as usual, he stood and watched for a bit, then deadpanned,

"Huh. Clampires"

Then he walked away. My friend and I just fell over laughing.

This led to a discussion of different vampires by SE and I.

Glampire = bloodsucker who like 1970s British rock music
Spampire = bloodsucker who work in email marketing
Alakazampire = vampire magician
Drampire = bloodsucker who only takes a drink now and then
Prampire = bloodsucker who preys on infants
Slampire = bloodsucker that haunts punk and hardcore shows
Trans-ampire = the only vampires to wear a mullet
Crampire = bloodsucker who studies too much
Whampire = bloodsucker who wake you up before he'll go (go)
Lampire = a bloodsucking light fixture
Scrampire = bloodsucker who leaves very quickly
Wham-bam-thank-you-ma'ampires = the much hipper version of the scrampire
Hampire = Bela Legosi
Sampire = a blood-seeking anti-aircraft missile
Rampire = bloodsucking sheep
Shampire = not a real vampire at all. Rather like the ones from Twilight. Which is the sort of relevance of the is post as the third sparklies vs. plushie huskies movie just came out.

That's all we've got. It's late and we're tired. Anybody got one?

Listening to while posting: our new cat's extra-jingly rodent-and-bird-warning collar tags and bells.


Arjan said...

damnpire : a damned vampire?
trampire: tramp-vampire
jampire: rock & roll vampires (or vampires who like strawberry jam..I'm not sure)
campire: vampire who films everything
nampires: those who served in 'Nam.
pampire: pamela anderson groupie vampire..(farfetched I know)
stampire: think of a stampede, but then with vampires.

Ok they get lamer the longer I make the list..

Don Snabulus said...

exampire: So other N-pires know what to emulate.

pyrepire: What a vampire becomes once the villagers discover its nature. Which leads to...

expirepire: A vampire after the wooden stake treatment.

Mrs. Doubtpire: A male vampire who dresses up like an old lady.

Mike said...

Grampire. The denture-wearing vampire who yells at you to get off of his lawn.

Sweet Enemy said...

Arjan's Jampire, Snab's Mrs. Doubtpire and Mike's Grampire should be added to our definitive list.